Tongue in Chic!
After the gyro pizza, the taco pizza and even the dessert pizza, what’s the latest odor wafting out of the parc de caravanes? Rendezvous in the kitchen and I’ll show you how you can entrepreneur a French Pizza. Whether you’re an amateur or a top chef, haute cuisine is only 30 minutes away. Yes Oui Can!
Savoir faire: Easier each time you make it.
Price: At around 65 French Francs (or 10€), it’s cheaper than a souvenir. You won’t need to be Warren Buffet to afford this!
Serves: A ménage à trois
- Ready-made pizza crust
- Duck mousse (which I très recommend)
- A box of béchamel sauce
- A ball of mozzarella / small bag of shredded mozzarella
- A pack of blue cheese (at least 150 grams worth)
- Half a small can of mushrooms (“de Paris” de préférence)
- A pack of dried, filet of duck strips (magret de canard)
A la carte
- Sliced onions
- Parmesean cheese
- Play the above: Alain Bashung – Madame rêve and preheat the oven according to the instructions on the pizza dough wrapping.
- Unroll the pizza dough with the paper still under it on a cookie sheet.
- Now comes the step that will make your pizza more than just a cliché. You know how some pizza joints put cheese in the crust? So pasée, so déjà vu… We’re going to do them one better, by wrapping duck inside! I merde you not. First, open up the poor man’s paté, ‘mousse de canard‘ (duck mousse…which will make you want to say “duck, duck, mousse” so go ahead and get it out of your system). Put a sliver the size of your pinky finger on the blade of a knife, then gently place it just inside the edge of the pizza crust and fold the edge over it. To avoid a cooking faux-pas, push down a little to create a seal. I couldn’t find baking instructions for the paté anywhere on the package, so this way works très bien.
- This next bit is important. Instead of tomato sauce, use béchamel sauce. You can either do it like I did and buy it in a box from the store, or you can cheat and make it yourself because it’s only butter, flour and milk. Just don’t come crying to me if your pizza winds up ewww-la-la!
- Squirt ¾s of a juice box of the créme de la créme (“béchamel, béchamel mucho”) on the raw crust and spread it around.
- Take all the sacré bleu cheese (I used something called Bleu d’Auvergne–you can tell it’s French ’cause they switch the letters on yuo) and carefully grate it. I say “carefully” because it has the consistency of flan, so you’re going to have a mess on your hands–and your shirt, and your table, and your floor. Mon Dieu!
- Then shred your mozza’ ball (or, if you live in a country that shreds its own mozzarella, jut open the bag).
- Mix the two cheeses and sprinkle them over the pizza.
- Take the pack of filleted duck (“Do you like duck?” “Why yes, Adieu!”), peel off the strips and lay them down across the cheese.
- Optional: you could always add some onions here, but I find them quite blasé.
- Open the can of mushrooms and fork half of them onto the pizza, sans the juice. If you want to be super bourgeois, I highly suggest champignons de Paris (Paris mushrooms), as they are more refined, ostentatious and superior to the others.
- Slide it into the oven at whatever temperature it says on your pizza crust package and cross your fingers.
- Remove the pizza when the crust is brown and the sauce is bubbly. The crust may have become detached in places and some of the mousse leaked out a little, but it’s not serious. C’est la vie!
- If there’s excess fat from the duck and your stomach is like, “Merci, but no merci“, a little Parmesan cheese will soak that right up.
- Let the pizza cool at least 5 minutes so that the cream has a chance to gel before you cut it into eight master-pieces and…voilà!
Bon appetit, mes amis!